Stereotyping

At some point, I believe almost all people (besides those lacking any self awareness or healthy self-doubt) have felt some insecurity about how others see them, or perhaps wondered about what kind of first impression they give. We all stereotype each other. As I explain to my students, stereotypes, though they can be harmful or inaccurate, serve a very important purpose for us mentally. They allow us to categorize and draw conclusions. If we didn’t do this automatically in most situations, life would become quite agonizing. At every turn we would have to carefully deliberate upon all the factors and carefully arrive at decisions and judgments. “Hmmm… this piece of fruit smells like a grape, it’s got a squishy skin that separates from the juicy soft interior, however it is a different color than any grape I’ve previously experienced. Yet, all other signs point to its belonging in the grape family. Yes, despite my hesitations, I must conclude that it is a grape.” Such would be the tedium of one’s life if one did not have the capacity to stereotype. The danger arises when we jump to conclusions too quickly without enough information, especially about people.

I caught a glimpse yesterday of how my students view me. In the midst of what in retrospect must have been a lecture that to my students seemed to lengthen every minute of the last period on Friday afternoon, I subconsciously decided to inject a tiny bit of excitement into my classroom. While attempting to explain to a bunch of 14 year olds why print sources such as books and major newspapers are generally more credible than websites, I remarked, “Publishers of books and newspapers have to cover their asses so they don’t get sued or lose credibility. So, they have fact-checkers and editors.” Half the class was titillated by my use of the term “ass” while half the class was so deep in oblivion that it slid right over their heads. No worries though, those who caught my comment did their best to wake those up who had missed it.

“Ms. Sterling said ass!”
“What, what did she say???”
“She just swore! She said ass.”
“Ms. Sterling, you never cuss!”
I did my best to ignore the uproar and redirect their awakened attention toward the topic at hand.

Finally, Ashley, a precocious girl, decided it was time to put the class in check: “Well, what did you think, guys?! She’s got a nose ring.” I guess having a nose ring and a potty mouth go hand in hand for some kids. For others, being a teacher and having a potty mouth are totally incongruent—how can both traits simultaneously exist in the same person? What other assumptions have my nose ring and my profession led my students to believe about me?

In dating, especially, first impressions can lead to stereotyping. While leafing through a Cosmo at the nail salon today, I encountered this piece of wisdom about dating: “In the early stages of a relationship everything you do seems amplified to your guy. If you text him twice, to him it may feel like 10 times and he may feel like you’re clingy.” Hmmm, what to do with this sage advice?

When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s hard to know what is actually indicative of his or her character and what is simply an offhand remark or nervous tic. I’ve been guilty of writing guys off for wearing sandals (I’m sorry, but men’s feet can be so unattractive) or saying annoying things like “parm” short for parmesan. Yes, I am superficial, okay? Clearly, unfortunate traits like poor choice of footwear or use of obnoxious abbreviations can’t tell me if a guy is a good man or not; all I know is they turn me off.

This is what makes dating so nerve-wracking. How do you know what is going to strike a chord with another person? And in a good or a bad way? I guess the best you can do is keep an open mind, withhold judgment, trust that good feeling you get when someone just makes you feel at ease, and hope that your date will give you the same courtesy and respect.